Hold things loosely

I

I write intermittently. Usually when I have the energy to write. I think often in the middle of the night-welcome to the Fourth Quarter. I have been thinking of one the transitions that happens along life's way but most acutely in the Fourth Quarter of life. We discover that we can't hold on to everything. When we have left work behind, with a mixture of relief and regret, we have to look and assess what's important and what matters. In this stage we are forced to deal with reality. And we are forced to deal with expectations. Reality is what we have. It can be measured in wealth. It can be measured in health. It can be measured in relationships. And I have stated them in the order to which our culture gives most attention. We are taught to accumulate wealth to ensure a good retirement. These plans go awry quite quickly, given the volatility in the stock market, the banking systems, and interest rates. I would suggest that wealth or lack of it should be placed further down the list and I will tell you why. Our health really determines what we can do. You can't enjoy relationships, travel or anything, without health. Unfortunately health can change in a moment, or a Dr's visit to investigate that pain. I currently have a gym membership; occasionally I use it. I am impressed by the number of seniors, much older than I who use it more frequently. I told my friend, "It looks like a jail break from the nursing home; yes, a little jealous of their discipline. The point is you can work on your physical health. Here is the real reality. Relationships matter. Relationships are best for mental health, and even spiritual health. I was in a restaurant recently and observed four lively ladies, all easily over the age of 80. They were having fun, catching up on life. I went to them and said," It is sure nice to have breakfast next to the Golden Girls". They laughed and accused each other of being the most nefarious character from the show. The ended with, "We are here every Thursday". I walked away thinking, 'what a gift you have'. In the Forth Quarter we live with the reality of what we have in hand. I have learned that instead of holding things tightly, we are better to hold things loosely. I read a quote by Ashley Sutterfield, CEO of Sage. She said, "Holding something loosely means we free ourselves from attaching to an expectation" . A long ago friend put it this way, "Whenever we have expectations we are bound to be disappointed". He later committed suicide. So here is the challenge. You can't hold everything. We talk about downsizing and perhaps, holding things loosely means, downsizing our expectations. Perhaps it means reordering the cultural list we have been given. I have an inkling that those Golden Girls weren't rich in some measures but extravagantly so in what matters. So, hold on to what matters.